R.I.P. - DAD 003.
The line that appears before you type a letter is flashing so much because im speechless. I don’t even know where to begin...
Dear Dad,

I’m watching home videos of my 8th birthday, your hand on my shoulder, squeezing it tight but not too tight, just an indication that you wont ever let go. that you're right behind me. you pat me on the back, and say "make a wish kiddo"

kiddo...

that part is on repeat for the 7th time, now 8th

I see mom in the back round, comes up behind you and you kiss her then kiss my top of the head. Every time I see you kiss mom in old family videos I think of me and my girlfriend, and how meaningful it is to kiss her, and how meaningful it was for mom to kiss you. she loves you, she always has
I don’t see her look at Floyd (my step dad) the same, for some reason there is no tunnel leading to a light in her eyes when they make eye contact. That light never dimmed when she saw you...
here is the part that we're at the beach, I guess I was about almost 9 here. you lift me over your shoulders, into the sky! I don’t even grab onto you fast..because I knew you wouldn’t let me fall.
remember us building sand castles? I see it now.
we threw the sand into the air after making the castle because we didn’t want anyone to step on our castle
tonight’s sky, the stars are the little pieces of sand we threw into the sky
so how is heaven? I remember you used to talk to me about it. you said "a big man (god) comes and picks you up by your shirt but it doesn’t hurt, and he goes you can live with me now. forever"
if that was the real case, if you could come back home for one more day, id throw all your shirts away. no one would take you away
I say my prayers every night, the sad thing is...
I say them to you. not god
I tell you that I miss you, and that I hope your heart feels better. I tell you that some songs remind me of you, some places too. I tell you that im sorry. im sorry for everything possible. I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to be ok without you. im sorry that sometimes it takes a lot of effort to not cry, im sorry that I grew out of the kiddo stage. im sorry I ever grew up past age 8

1 month, 9 days until its been 2 years since your death dad.
2 years without my hero...

- your kiddo, Andrew